long time gone

Wow.  I can't believe it's been six months since I checked in here.  Well, maybe I can.  When I decided to write a blog, I could only commit to it by not actually committing to it.  I told myself that as long as the words flowed, I would write.  Otherwise, no big deal.  No pressure.  No stress.  Stress is the enemy.  Well, not the only one but a biggie.  For me, & I am sure for a lot of people, it causes panic & often the onset of depression.  And, hey, I can be sucked down into that darkness without voluntarily adding to the stress of mere everyday living.  But regardless of that pact with myself, one of my dark passengers, Guilt, rears his ugly head from time to time.
I really wanted to use this thorn in my side to reach someone who may think they are alone in this struggle, something I received from Miss Anna, Patty Duke, as mentioned in an earlier blog.  Is there someone out there hurting?  Will my words reach them?  I have never written a blog &, truthfully, I am not exactly sure how it works, where it goes when I send each entry on its way.  Maybe into a black hole, never to appear on anyone's screen but mine.  In my absence here, I have tried to reach people another way so I guess I haven't totally disappeared.  At my church I am the depression point person.  If someone approaches a staff member asking for help with their own darkness, they are given my phone number.  It doesn't happen often.  The stigma attached to depression is overwhelming & I think that is often more true for Christians.  We are supposed to be counting our blessings & focusing on God & others, not feeling sorry for ourselves.  I will say it again - it doesn't work that way.  I know I am blessed to overflowing.  I know this is only temporary.  Better days are coming.  But right here, right now, I have a battle on my hands.  Or, should I say, in my head.  I did get a call from someone suffering a few days ago.  She doesn't go to my church, which is totally fine but I am not sure how she found me, & we talked for 45 minutes, my words flowing from a higher place.  Sounding relieved, she hung up after we made plans to meet next week.  I pray for the words to help arm her in this struggle.
So, I didn't disappear because I did myself in.  I just had nothing to offer.  Anytime I do, I will drop in to say so.  And if I am just talking to myself, that is okay.  I have become really good at that.  And sometimes I even answer.

dj